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boytouch

green_grrl in stargateficrec

Post-Nuptial by Pru (NC-17)

Rec Category: John/Rodney
Pairing: John/Rodney
Category: Slash, Humor, Kidfic
Warning: Sex, Language
Author on LJ: rageprufrock
Author's Website: http://glitterati.talkoncorners.net/fiction/index.php
Link: http://archiveofourown.org/en/works/2159?view_adult=true

Why This Must Be Read: Howlingly, and I mean howlingly funny story about John and Rodney having a baby. No, it's not mpreg for our guys, but they're visiting a planet where the men do carry, and their new allies won't really trust them with the naquadah until Rodney's apparent infertility clears up. Which they'd be glad to help with. *ahem* Cue Rodney quickly and loudly regaling them with stories of how John is flooding him with his seed. In graphic detail. John and Rodney's bickering over their pretend overactive sex life and fictional baby spills over to Atlantis, and it's no wonder everyone assumes they really are doing it. Hilarious the whole way through!

Excerpt:
John scowled. “Did you tell all of them we’re having a boy?”

“We are,” Rodney argued.

“It’s too early to know that!” John complained. “And I don’t see why we can’t have a daughter.”

Rolling his eyes elaborately, Rodney said, “I promise: the next time, we’ll have a daughter, all right?”

“I guess,” John sulked, and then he said, “We should name the kid Han,” after which it became clear why his parents had finally settled on naming him “John,” because tribal wars over water sources were less vicious than arguments about what to name babies.

“Oh, hell no you are not doing that to our child,” Rodney said. “I’m carrying, I get to name the baby.”

“That’s not fair,” John pointed out. “I helped. I did all that flooding of your womb with my essence and stuff.”

Rodney waved his hand, dismissive. “Whatever—I’d die a thousand deaths before letting you name the kid Han. That’s a lifetime of getting stuffed into lockers waiting to happen.”

“Oh, I guess being named Meredith made you an authority on that sort of thing,” John shot back, even though he knew better.

“I was actually thinking about naming him Sam,” Rodney told him, imperious.

“Oh,” John said, “fuck no.”

And the conversation continued to devolve until they were dragging back into the gateroom at the end of a long day, Rodney pushing John’s wheelchair haphazardly as he shouted, “Why not! Sam is a great name! Sam is the name of my whale friend!”

John shouted back, “Do you think I’m an idiot! You are not naming the kid after your hopeless crush!”

Turning bright red, Rodney snapped, “It is not hopeless! She’s growing weaker to my advances daily!”

“You are such a whore, McKay,” John growled.

“I am carrying your child, you son of a bitch,” Rodney warned him, and the imprecation bounced off the cavernous walls of the gateroom in the utter silence that followed.

Sam cleared her throat over the citywide intercom, saying, “McKay, Colonel Sheppard—a private conference in my office, please?”

Comments

It's one of my all-time favorites!
Stargate by Medie

January 2018

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